


Only so many times

by ROBOflavin



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Post-Season/Series 08 Finale, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-27 16:31:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18196613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ROBOflavin/pseuds/ROBOflavin
Summary: Keith doesn’t cry at the wedding. He smiles, laughs, gets drunk, and smiles and laughs a little louder. He even dances, to the delight of his friends. Then he drinks some more.





	Only so many times

**Author's Note:**

> S8 fucked me up

Keith doesn’t cry at the wedding. He smiles, laughs, gets drunk, and smiles and laughs a little louder. He even dances, to the delight of his friends. Then he drinks some more.

Keith doesn’t cry that night. He stumbles into his bed and falls into sleep easily, the alcohol swimming through his veins like a warm caress. His sleep is restless and he dreams of a sunset. 

Keith doesn’t cry the next morning, wretched and vomiting and aching until he is knocked into unconsciousness once more. When he wakes, his stomach empty and head heavy, it’s to the sounds of Hunk knocking and calling to him. He lays still. 

“Hey Keith, c’mon, I know you’re in there. Just making sure you didn’t die from alcohol poisoning last night.”

Keith almost wished he had. 

Keith doesn’t cry when Hunk asks him if he’s okay. He crooks an eyebrow and says “Why wouldn’t I be?” and let’s the conversation die as Hunk shifts uncomfortably. 

Keith doesn’t cry when Hunk hesitantly leaves. A “I brought hangover cures. You were totally crazy last night. I’ll just leave them outside your door. I’ll be around if you need me” muttered through the door before the sound of footfalls leading away. Keith tends to his hangover the rest of the day by walking towards the clear horizon. 

Keith doesn’t cry as he finds himself alone out in the desert surrounded by the stars, laying in the sand and letting the wind cover him slowly with the cold, his communicator buzzing in his pocket. 

Keith doesn’t cry when after hours of shivering he finally checks his missed calls and the name SHIRO lights up his screen. He lifts a finger to swipe it away, a deep sickness rising from the pit of his stomach into his throat where he can taste expensive alcohol and bile, but his body is weak and shaking and instead of exorcising the word SHIRO his finger presses ACCEPT and he hears his name being called, small and far away but too close to let go of. 

“Keith? Are you there?” 

Keith licks his lips as his mouth goes dry.

“I’m here. What’s up?” 

“You sound terrible!” Shiro laughs. “you were quite the spectacle last night, I’m calling to make sure my best man is alright.” 

Keith laughs. It’s bitter and hoarse and it hurts. “Just fine, Shiro. I was just sleeping the worst of it off, actually.” The lie comes out easily. 

“Oh, I guess I lost track of time,” Shiro chuckles, embarrassed, “sorry, Keith.”

His desire to end the conversation turns into fight or flight as he feels his heart grow heavy and his throat tighten, his grip tightening and his intake of breath hitches. “It’s fine,” he exhales, trembling, “don’t worry about me. You have-“ he freezes. Another man. A husband. Someone else. 

“Keith?”

“Yeah?” 

“Thank you. For everything.”

The wave inside of him rises and nearly spills out of him. It threatens to tear itself from his throat and his eyes and his heart, unbidden and unwanted. He stops himself from breathing and looks up into the dark sky, focusing on the full face of the silver moon. 

“Yeah.” 

“Keith-“

“I’ll talk to you later, Shiro. I think I’m gonna be sick after all. Too much sappy talk,” he hopes it comes out as teasing.

“Hey! Fine. I should probably get back to,” Keith can hear Shiro smile, “my husband.” 

The wave inside of Keith crashes. 

“See you later, Keith.”

“Bye, Shiro.”

Keith does cry, then, alone in the desert. Completely and utterly alone and unable to control the feeling, the reality, that Shiro is not his. That Shiro is married to another man and Keith is not that man. That Shiro chose someone else to spend his life with. That he loves Shiro so much he would die for him, would still die for him, will always be willing to die for him; wants to die, now, without him. 

Keith cries, alone in the desert. His body shakes violently, knees and hands buried in the sand, his sobs turn into loud wails, echoing through the illuminated dunes and twinkling stars. His lungs burn and his tears are hot as they trail down his face and fall into the sand.

Keith didn’t want this. Desperately needed this to be a nightmare which he could wake up from and into the arms of the only man he’s ever loved. How was this real? How did it end this way? Nothing has ever hurt so much.

His heart is broken. The hole in his chest he has carried with him ever since PILOT ERROR has never felt so big, so catastrophic and so endless. 

What now? What happens now? What future does he have without Shiro? What future does he even want without Shiro? He knows he’s being selfish. Shiro already gave him a future, was true to his word when he said “I will never give up on you”, but Keith feels given up on anyway. He owes Shiro everything and still he wants more. He wants Shiro, wants Shiro to love him back. It’s the only thing in his life he was ever sure of, knew without a doubt that he was tied to this man forever. 

He’d hoped, alone and lonely on so many nights in the void of beautiful space, maybe he had a chance. The tender looks, the soft touches, all building a hope inside of him he dared not think about in the light of day. Thoughts he only entertained in the privacy of his own bunk when his passions would not be tamed. 

Would things be different if he had taken that leap of faith and confessed? Taken Shiro’s face into his hands and let him know with a kiss the depth of his feelings? 

Or maybe it was hopeless all along. Maybe Shiro would never have returned the feeling, maybe he was doomed from the start. Just a kid.

It doesn’t matter now. 

He can’t see anything anymore, the flow of tears too heavy for him to clear. He squeezes his eyes shut tight and gasps heavily, trying to steady his breathing and stop this agony coursing through him. He grips at the ground in front of him, clutching at anything and everything, attempting to steady himself as his body rocks back and forth in the cold sand. 

Shiro was the only thing he ever wanted. There was never going to be another like Shiro, not even close, and even then, Keith wouldn’t want them. Because they weren’t Shiro. 

He followed the love of his life to the ends of the universe and all the way back to Earth where his journey abruptly ended. 

His voice finally gives out, his wails coming out cracked and dry and grating. 

Keith cries until the sun rises, his anguish sweeping across the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven’t written in years, apologies for roughness! Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think ✨  
> If people like this, I will continue and make it a happy end, but only after more suffering.  
> Im an artist on twitter/tumblr @chizumaki or instagram @chizuroyale, please join me in crying over sheith.


End file.
